I can only write about my own experiences. So say, for the sake of argument, this next set of observances (diatribe) is reflective of adults between 30-50, living in a middle-class-verging-on-affluent community.
OK, so, we all know that person at work. That guy - or girl - who gets super territorial about other people getting into their business. It's got lots of business-y phrases. "Getting in his soup," "In my lane," "signaling to get back in my own lane," etc.
Now, some territorial behavior is totally acceptable. Because after all, your job pays your bills. If enough people get in your lane and don't get out, and start doing your job, you will no longer be needed. Instead, you'll find yourself painting cardboard slabs and panhandling under interstate bridges. Nobody wants that. So there's a little grace for asserting workspace in the workplace.
However.. territorial behavior is not limited to the workplace. More and more, I'm seeing this happen in volunteer situations. Anyone who has ever been in a sports organization, a scouting group, a school event, heck, even a classroom, has heard and heeded the call. Needed: People. Because most organizations are nonprofits and are dependent on the goodwill of us all to keep the machine running.
That means volunteers. That means you. For free.
It ain't always pretty, folks. Because volunteers may not recognize several things:
1. They have a volunteer boss who will assign tasks and evaluate their performance.
2. They can be fired.
3. Just because they are doing a job no one else really wants, does not mean they can behave badly.
4. People don't stop fighting over stupid things when they become grownups.
So why am I writing this? My husband will tell you, I don't say no often enough. I spend a lot of time doing uncompensated work. I really like it, especially where my kids are concerned. I want them to see I'm super interested in their activities. This, however, also means a lot of interactions with other volunteers. And a whole lotta MINE behaviors that range from mildly off-putting - to behaviors that threaten the entire organization.
Now, one could logically think that a volunteer who suddenly has less work to do, may actually be relieved. However, I've started to realize that isn't the case. I thought about it a lot. Why is someone upset they can't pick up lunch packets for kids? Or ride on a stinky school bus for 4 hours over a wheel well? Why on earth would someone fight with another adult over the privilege to hand waters to sweaty kids?
It seems to come down to this...
"Why are you doing my volunteer job? That's MINE!"
We've become territorial out of terror.
If our role is eroded, we feel eroded as individuals.
This is because we have started to define ourselves by what we do and not who we are.
Defining yourself through your value to others in terms of what you do, could literally suck the joy from your life. I have seen wonderful people become defensive, territorial, downright mean. Over what? The right to assign spots for other volunteers, and the criticism their fellow volunteers heap upon them. Seriously.
Fortunately, we have better options.
What defines you?
I am...
How do you answer that question? Is it a role, a belief, or an interpersonal goal?
For some of us, it's a role within a family: Wife, husband, mother, father, son, daughter.
For others, it's a role in the workplace: Teacher, journalist, doctor, engineer, (and constant volunteer)
But what if it were something different. What if it were the way we live our our beliefs, or a set of behaviors we strive to live into - loving, caring, a friend, Christian, Muslim...
Those are attributes that can't be eroded. No one can take them. You'll never have to feel miffed that someone is taking away your ability to love, to care, to be honest or ethical or responsible. Those are yours. Forever.
So go ahead, take my volunteer stuff. Better yet, come on over and clean my bathrooms.
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